Life Less Loved – Expressive Poetry by Rahel

© 2005 Rahel (Ann Rachel Silverman-Limor)


Volume I – Poetry      Volume II – Song


August 10, 1972

I remember Adam.

Adam was sad.

He made me sad.

I didn’t like Adam because he made me sad.

But Adam was fantastic.

I remember thinking that Adam was a poet.

He was.

He wrote down all his sadness. 

I would like to see Adam again someday.

I would be afraid to find out how he is.

I don’t like to be sad.

Nobody does.

I hope Adam will be happy.


September 4, 1972

I’m locked within.

I can’t get out….

To the roses,

The flowers beyond

My wall.


September 8, 1973

I am one person

By myself


It’s natural.

I am hard and cold


Longing for an easy way out

Always waiting

Hoping it’s tomorrow.


Still learning

Searching for the unknown.

Hurt again but then revived.

What is life?




Evil, yet good.

And all things must pass….


 November 11, 1974

Death, Death, Death

Why do I treasure it so?

What a curious adventure!

Death is only another way of life.

Isn’t that so?

Or maybe not.

Who cares what it is.

All of us must enter it one day.

How absolutely enchanting!

To die.

What a wonderful way to go.


April 15, 1975

You gave me new life


I wish I could say

Life was that way.

It’s my dream

That someday

I’ll be free.

Don’t you see?

I’m still growing up

And messing up

And fixing up…

Be free, he repeated,

And fly

To live (your) life

Your own way.

Imagine! …


Way up high

Throughout the sky

My widened eyes

I’m living

Spreading out

Like wildfire


With delight.

It’s an ordinary sight

Just a dream

And I’m waking up.

(I want) to live.


April 28, 1975

Mirror, mirror on the wall.

Tell me true what makes one fall?

The truth is there but just for me.

For this in others I cannot see.

How can one love when lies prevail?

But “love” they say. I’ll never tell.

I am alone though wish it not.

But “love” for now best be forgot.

Happy, yet, for me alone.

Protected by my heart of stone.


January 23, 1976

Reflections on a day …

bad   good

up and down

I hate you

I love you

I love you




in my room



at last

Joining in to let down




and insult to injury


life grows

up and down

good and bad

I hate you

I love you


September 27, 1976: Khusro: To Peace, if he’ll listen

Why are we talking of peace;

Am I not already one with you?

Instead we must follow the example of the river

That flows towards the mountain top.

No, not to dwell there,

But to flourish …

Like a rainbow in a her promising lands,

And then,

Dancing in all joy there

We have found our pot of gold.


May 13, 1979:  Jerusalem

Bookends hold forgotten portraits

Armed lovers risk childish purring

Daily surprise

Must turn happiest times behind

The clarinet weaving through screams

Dawn’s deceptive

Pressing three Christian peers

With their report


April 24, 1980:  And I, the Teacher

There was a man in school.

A young man.

A handsome and talented man.

A man too soon.

And I, the teacher,

came to love this young man

And placed him above all the others

And lived for his ambitions

And forgot about me

And mine

And theirs …

Moved by his charm,

His sweet seventeen year old charm

And innocence.

Stop! Teacher …

Ah yes …


Look at you.

You’re twenty-six,


In school,


A teacher,


You’ve already had your lessons.

Most you’ve learned the hard way.

Fight it this time.

Step back and take your place this time.

He’s a kid.

A good, young, handsome and talented KID.

You can help him or not,

But don’t damage h him

Or you.

Or them.

Step back and fight it this time, Teacher.

In school …

In school.


January 21, 1981

I thought I’d write a love song but I’m not in love.

I thought it might be pleasing to the ear.

Instead I tried again to place a warm chord here and there.

To send a single melody to make the message clear.

But all that came to mind was just confusion of the lines, and melodies of songs already sun.

Those chords of never-ending nights that leave you feeling blue.

I close my eyes and drift away.

I’m dressed for the occasion of the seldom found persuasion and the temperamental easy-flowing sounds.

The process isn’t easy as the songs turn out so sleazy and you wonder…

Where did they ever get their inspiration?


January 23, 1981: The Poetry Bowl – Memories of David

Strong, meaningful, scintillating stuff

And special love perfumes.

Coy, musky eyes spread thundering

Resonance in secret gatherings of you.

We lay,

A still evening with secret pleas

And tremble within empty desires.

We’re peer partners urgently holding romantic ideals.

Yours is a simple whisper, only silently asleep.

Mine is hiding deep, fearing risk.

We kiss once, curling into full retreat.

Gazing through beautiful gyrating candles.

Stammering on unspoken pressures.

I’ve hushed those days now.

Changing my thoughts towards lonely progress

And eagerly contemplating your return.


May 18, 1981L  The Restaurant

In the restaurant I’ve come to know many people.

With each day I learn something new about their private lives.

I know how they think, how they feel, what they expect

Of me and of others in their world.

I know their eating habits.

I may even know things that their best friends don’t even know.

Sometimes I tell my friends the secrets I’ve heard.

Meaningless information for us.

But for them?

Working in the restaurant is a daily routing

Spiced with menial intrigue and suspense

That keeps it tolerable.


June 19, 1981

It’s healthier to get the anger out of you.

Not to hold the pain inside.

It’s a task so hard to complete but

It must be done.

Then you’re free to love.


July 11, 1981:  Like It Was Before

“It will be now like it was before”

I promised you it would.

Now when we meet, which is less than before

I see that night in your eyes and

You see it in mine and

A feeling passes through us.

I know you now and

You know me.

We’ve shared a common goal

A union

That wasn’t there before.

We both know now

As I knew before

That even though we can pretend

For the sake of your sanity but

Never for mine

It will never again be like it was before

Like it was before …


July 27, 1981:  Birthday

The forest is so inviting as I stand on the outer edge

I’m hustling off to my city life

Avoiding my dreams and the inner visions that

Come from the flowing center force

Mysteriously hidden within her borders.

You can breathe in the secrets of tranquility that

Are secretly approachable to me.

If your heart is open and ready

You’ll find ecstasy in her wholeness which

You can retain for future survival.

I’ve awoken and have become separate from the dream

For my reality encroaches me.


August 9, 1981: A Single Pleasure Without You

Have you even been in a place with p people

Where all are friends and you are one

Grab that feeling of single pleasure

Find your wisdom, see what you’ve become

Life’s’ a bore on the shore of the circle

That you’re not within

Take hold of yourself

Now’s the time

You must begin to unfold with the chances that sing

With the dances of future romances with life

Build it up, throw it up, take the new or be blue

In a niche you’ll be rich but you’ll never be you

Life’s a single pleasure, sometimes crossing other treasures

I believe I’d better see it without you.


September/October 1981

I’m on my way where I can see

The greatest hunter


Searching his soul his heart runs free

The greatest hunter


All alone

He moves

On his own

He sees

Shedding his fear he stands up tall

The proudest hunter



November 4, 1981

Do you know why they like her?

Because she speaks the truth.

She reaches their hearts with

Her constant rambling of

Thoughts and philosophies of

Her very own life.

It’s the truth they seek and

Rarely find.

One day I thought I’d found the truth.

At least for me it was the truth but

Not hers…


Each of us finds a place of our own in the end.

Along the way we can share it

If we know how.

I’ve only just learned but I haven’t tried it yet.

I’ll betcha it’s the best place to be …

Along the way.

She’s still talking about our lives for us.

We can take it or leave it as we please.

I think I’ll move over to here in the meantime and

Take a little nap till the sun rises up

A little higher till

Tomorrow around noon.


November 25, 1981

My world is very small of late

Mostly it includes just you and

Sometimes another of the few but

Don’t be fooled by what I say

I feel fulfilled most every day


November 27, 1981: Oovabloe

It was a short road.

Thank G-d we didn’t pass it by.

What was it? Who were we?

Sweet, innocent love,

I feel I could have

Dedicated my life to you.

Didn’t we all for that short, sweet time?


December 5, 1981

I understand you only after the fact.

After you’ve come to me with nothing to say and have gone away.

When you’ve gone I contemplate and

Wonder if I’ve been mistaken

Just to listen and not to offer

The truths I see each time to you?


December 7, 1981

The warmth of my heatercan replace your warmth when you take it away from me. The flames of my anger can keep the fire lit only until the time of our next meeting, when that same anger will relinquish the pain of knowing you.

Tonight was you night if you had given it a chance. You didn’t know it. All wrapped up in pure emotion that spread like wildfire once the connection was made. The strike of one small match was all it took to set my soul a-fire.


December 7, 1981

Maybe it was I who was mistaken?

Maybe I don’t believe but

When it’s out I feel much better.

You had to know it for

It was you who was the cause.

Maybe you feel much better too?

Maybe I, myself, caused these feelings

To stir up a storm around us?

Just the same, I guess we both feel much better

Now that it’s out.


December 10, 1981

You’re the magic in the sounds I hear.

Without you it’s only music.

Ahhh, but such sweet music feeds

My heart and warms my soul when

You’re not near.


I live through you, 

Through your body and soul.

You give me strength.

You give me love.

You give me feelings.

You make me feel alive.

Passion is your fantasy.

We are real.


December 10, 1981

I’m jealous of your loving them.

If only you were with me this time.

If only we would reach the heavens together.

This time, you and I, and not them.

If only you would sing to me,

A song like you’ve sung to them.

If only we could sing together…

Yes, I’m jealous of your loving them.


December 10, 1981

You say you tell me everything.

I think you do and

It scares me so.

You love so many people and

You say you love me though

You haven’t told me yet in

Just those words.

Nor I you, so I wonder if

It’s all true?

Time, you say…

I’ve said it too.

She knew we were in love.

Do you remember when she told us?

You were in love with her then,

Or so you thought.

Confusion makes my head spin.

Often, now I think of you, and

Censor my feelings even when

You ask to see them.

I’m afraid of something new - 

Sharing each others’ beautiful souls.

Maybe we’re both not ready.

Time, we say, for we don’t know

How to face it now but maybe soon

The day will come when we’ll admit it

Without fear of loving me, of loving you,

Of meeting face to face with

Life’s most invigorating desire of

The One.


December 15, 1981

A year has passed since I have known you.

I feel we should celebrate its’ fruitfulness.

I’ve never been so alive as I’m soon becoming.

Friend of mine,

What seeds have we yet to nurture to

Inspire the blossom to fully bloom?

Now you’re in mourning,

Glorious when you win the fight.

A short year it’s been.

It seems so when you think back on each and every minute.

So clear and fresh that you can still feel it.

Here’s to the two of us and our short years to come.

Here’s to forever friend of  mine.


December 16, 1981: Tzvika

I write this poem to the memory of you

To the beauty of you, to the wonder of you

To all that you were and all that you are

To the union of the two of you

To your simkha

Be blessed


December 17, 1981

All the poems I wrote for you

Tonight I leave them for the blue

The loss of what I cared for most

Another heartbreak takes the toast

I know you need your holy time

G-d knows I’ve given all of mine

Where was I in all your thoughts?

You never realized and now I’m lost.

Take care, take care to bear the hurt

Wear it well, it feels like dirt.


December 18, 1981: Silenced

In the silence I hear a voice.

It’s my voice.

In silence I sit, though

The rushing of inner mindswork

Tears me away into chaos unbearable.

Run! Where to run?

To the arms of a lover untrue as all they are?

In the silence my voice whispers on,

Never seeking to rest.

A slow mutter lingers, never content

To lay silent.

Peace is an inner ideal.

Solitude is the result.

Solitude is me and a voice

In the silence.


December 27, 1981

It’s a quiet life in Jerusalem without you.

Oh, I find things to do but

It’s a quiet life her in Jerusalem.

Cloudy days throw hints at moody thoughts.

I have many hours in a day and a night

Without you.

Shading my thoughts from rains of pain,

The memories of conversation,

Dreams, with you I shared.

My home was broken once.

I was broken again and again.

The storm was easier to bear

With you, but

Without you life simply exists.

Oh, I find things to do.

In the quiet deep there’s a haven to

Harbor in and melt.

Life is quiet in Jerusalem

For me

As I fall into the patterns and

Routine quiet existence.


December 30, 1981

I’m here for you. I hear your stories

Full of life, and feeling, and confusion …

I’m still here for you but,

With reserve and without feeling,

With a small wall of protection to

Evade the pain.

When your stories are of me

I will listen again to you,

To the world you want

To open up to me.

I’m yours, but

This time I’m mine. 


December 31, 1981

You come to me like a child.

You’re looking for a mother.

I’m a girl, a woman, a friend but

You leave me for another.

I wonder if you care for me

The way you do the other?

I realize that you don’t know how

For now you want a lover.

So look elsewhere for I don’t want

To be somebody’s mother.

I’m a girl, a woman and a friend

I can also be a lover.


January 2, 1982

As my thoughts turn slowly from you towards me,

As I hesitate between the lines for breath

A woman begins to emerge from underneath

A foreign skin

There was a woman there, it’s so

A woman I dared not you to show

A woman you cared not to see

I’ll forgive you as I do myself

For her light radiated only a short

Distance from her image

Even I, myself, knew not to look

Take her now, a woman

Love her as herself

I will love her too for

She is me.


January 10, 1982

An aimless drifter I feel am I

To foreign lands I long to fly

Or in one’s arms I’d care to be

With his attentions turned towards me

Escape defers reality


January 16, 1982

Master of self-control

Would you dare to let it go?

It’s a burden on your stooping shoulders

The tenseness of your body is

Causing you daily pain

Sleep is not even a relief

You awaken throughout the night

In time to save your suffering soul

From the final picture in your minds’ eye

Casts before you

You evade

You are the master of self-control

Will you dare let the healers of the heart

Reach deeper into your soul?

Will you dare smile for the few seconds longer

Needed to feel?

Will you dare give up control and

Save your stricken life?


January 19, 1982: Pledge of Love

What shall I tell you? How shall I tell you

The truth, from the heart, is the hardest word to speak.

I hide behind a wall of fear,

Afraid of the love I seek.

You shall have it, at your request,

For the knot inside of me no longer needs a home.

I will free myself from the confines,

For my home is not longer a comfort.

Truth, fear, feeling …

Love …

You know it too because you see it.

Now I will confirm it.


January 20, 1982:  Regress into Promises

I’m a damn liar.

I long for the day when I’ll learn to be as honest with you

As I am when I’m alone with my own thoughts,

As honest as I am to this ever-present piece of paper.

I am the fool who has pleased the crowd for all of her life,

Who, in the end, is left behind to shed her tears silently and

Sit alone behind the curtain.

I want you to know what my heart ever feels and my mouth

Never knows how to let the words speak out.

I may be a fool in your eyes but

It’s simply that what I fear most of all

I promise you’ll see my full light when

I’m giving it up from myself.

Just the same, I hope it’s to you that I’ll give in to shame and

I hope it’s for love that I’ll see through the game.


January 24, 1982: Questions of Love

The love has changed

But to what and to where?

Do I still love you?

How shall we love?

Rejection. You did it

To me, and now

I do it to you.

Feelings, they were mine,

And yours. Now they’re

Buried…or resting?

It wasn’t safe.

I wasn’t sure of you,

Nor you of I.

Are we now?

Shall we ever be?

Will we ever trust

Each other enough to

Love each other again?

Will we know it this time?

Questions of Love

I forever ask, are forever

Asked by those in Love.

I can love.

I do love


January 26, 1982

My life is changing, and you are fading

Slowly and painfully away.

I don’t want to leave you.

You’ve been so much a part of me

For such a long time it seems….

Many times I long for you,

Yet I’m leaving you.

If only I could understand

What my love for you has been,

Or what it may be still?

I’ll remain patient, please,

Though you’ll never leave my thoughts.

In my heart I’ll feel you still,

Though faintly it remains.
I’m afraid to speak of Love

As loving you.

No longer am I sure

Of what I felt and knew


I need to know from you.


January 31, 1982: Eulogy

What kind of a poem do you write

For a loved one no longer?

Some kind of a romantic eulogy

Filled with passionate nostalgia?

or a simple line of

Once we were?

My love for you

Has not yet died.

Dispersed, it travels

Distant from my heart, 

Yearning for loving hands

To be carried away in.

your passion is not meant for me,

Nor can you ever come to love me?

In my fondest dreams of you

I may feel your touch

Upon my lips of longer,

Suffer still am I.

For a loved one no longer

I see I have left a romantic eulogy

For in a purest moment to remember…



April 15, 1982: Never Never Land

So long I have been lost

In Never Never Land.


Never did I want to grow up.


Cmes the time to look again

At all I’ve done and all I’ve seen and

Where I stand in Never Never Land.


Comes the time to turn the page

To Wonderland yet,

Even there to pass through.


How I yearn to love just one, and

Should he love just me as well.

A dream’s a dream

I dream quite well in

Never Never Land.


March 9, 1982: In Night Attire

Tonight I wish a dream to come

Of pleasantries or anyone

A dream so fine to set my mind

At peace from such a day unkind

I could, if would be, wish upon

A star that shines naught with the sun, but

I prefer to rest at ease, and

Let my thoughts think as they please

So will it be

My eyes they tire

A peaceful rest in night attire, and

As my soul transcends its goal

Tonight my dreams

Will find me whole.


July 25, 1982: In Ohio

How can we re-create these times

We’ve share in endless efforts

Of joy making song?

I’ve asked it over ten times a thousand, and

Slept on sleepless night of chaos wondering

Could such an ideal ever come to be?

Deep inside from where my soul

So often responds to such harmonies

As we have shared in setting suns

I have heard the answer; Yes

A dream as such I shall make be.


June 1982: Green

It’s raining down an endless rain that

Greens the land where I reside while

Under sunny skies of blue the

Green is closing in on you.

Deep inside my heart is bleeding.

Sleepless nights find me uneasy.

Rains of sorrow just beginning.

The pain of distance cries within.

How much longer can we depend on

One right move to save again?

I heard you cry tonight

Behind the brave, courageous

Shield of green.

Three a.m. in distant time

The march moves closer than

I’ve ever been.

Where I reside it’s even farther, yet

Every moment I breathe with you.

Anxiously we all await  the return

Of green to green upon green.

Innocence is all a dream we hide behind

To mask the shame.

Another endless night of rain.


November 28, 1982:  My Friend

When I am aching

It’s because

I am thinking of you.

When I am crying

It’s because

I miss you so.

My friend,

you are my life.

In another place

I tell of your joys and

Your sorrows.

In another place

They listen, but

They don’t hear.

My friend,

You’ve found

A place in my heart.

When I am smiling

It’s because

I am with you.

If we’ve found Peace

It’s because

We’ve found Love

For one another.

My friend,

We will seek it together.

My friend,

We will share

A lifetime



Summer 1982: In America, Jerusalem

In America I often imagine myself in Jerusalem

Under the warm sun that tans my face

Sitting as a gentle breeze cools the tenser air

I can imagine days when I ran frantically to catch a bus, and

On other days, when running wasn’t quite my speed,

I’d stroll along the older roads that never lead me

To where I thought I’d go.

I remember shopping, and

Chaotic bargaining where I would choose

The freshest fruits and vegetables off the vendor’s table

I wear a star,

A Jewish star

Six points that rest around my neck.

On my chest it lays beneath my T-shirt as

I drive along the newly paved roads that

Always take me to where I want to go

In America

I need to be reminded of whom

I’ve grown so proud to be

In Jerusalem

“If I forget thee, o Jerusalem”

If I forget thee, O America…

A peaceful meditation soothes the mind;

A silent prayer, the smallest hope,

A miracle to share…

In America I dream a lot, for

I know of a place where dreams come true;

I’m going there

Will you come too?


February 27, 1982

I come from a foreign land

I seek my life in You

O L-rd, give me comfort

O L-rd, give me love


April 18, 1982

Rains of tears

Fall through the years as

I rummage through fears

Once withheld


February 18, 1983

I look around me

All I see are the blank blue walls

I stare

They begin to dance with happiness

Upon thoughts of you

Pleasant memories

Are all I’ve left of you

They dance perpetually

In my minds’ eye

You hold my heart

Inside a seed was planted

Come to me, I plead

My eyes need to see you

My hands need to touch you

My ears need to hear your heartbeat

My love needs to meet your love

I hear your voice

It soothes me

I close my eyes

I dream you

A memory fades with the passing of time

A feeling lingers a while longer

In the early hours

I become all encompassed

Drowning in the depths of missing you

Come to me

I plead.


October 29, 1983: Pen and Ink

Pen and ink may not cost much

I prefer the gently touch of

Fantasy, although unreal

Helps the scarring wounds to heal

Leave your costly thoughts behind

Your writer’s mask

I cannot find

Not even one forsaken word

I really would have rather heard

The lower tremor of your voice

To pen and ink

‘Twould be my choice


November 24, 1983: Once

Once you were a dream come true

Now you’re a fairy tale and

I’m still the fool.


December 9, 1983

Happy is a state of mind that

I’d like to be in


December 9, 1983

I can go through my life

In the poems I’ve written

To friends

To lovers

To me

To G-d

What does it mean?

A written account of one’s life,




Is there are purpose?

A pattern?

Endless, unlearned words

Repeat in the history of one

Of THE One.

There is purpose;

To reach the Eternal, but




June 28, 1984

You remain still

A warm memory that

Surfaces from time to time

From the depths of my heart

When I feel lonely and lost

At such times of emptiness

I wish you were here

To hold me and give me strength

To be a friend to one in need as

I am now of you


September 6, 1984: Vessel

I have become a vessel

An instrument of G-d

I no longer play the songs

I AM the songs

The prayers

My words

They are no longer mine

They’re gifts

For a purpose

Not my own

I wonder…

In this world there is a song

In our hearts we sing it…



July 5, 1985: A Prayer for Strength


Give me strength

Loneliness envelops me

I sit and ponder

All the mistakes I make in life

With only a prayer

They will turn into wisdom

A poem

Is the way I talk


Send me a spark to

Light my tongue on fire

Take these words from my pen

Help me speak them aloud

Loneliness envelops me

Let me live my life

While I’m still alive




An offering

Of Incense and myrrh




A feeling

Of warmth and security




A symphony

Of melody and harmony



Happiness is a state of mind….


December 2000: Seasons of Loving You

In the changing seasons

Of my life,

I discovered myself

In Love.


My mind overflowed with


Visions and


Of a not-so-distant


And a glorious




The sky glows orange.

The leaves,

Brilliant golds and reds,

Turn slowly to browns.

The changing of the season

Offers new life;

A chance to be born a-new.

Out on the deck

We touch.

Our hands venture out

To discover each other.

Our bodies tingle and

Writhe in new sensation.

Our lips,

Wet and

Sweet to the touch.

Our Love

Is fresh.

In autumn

I fall

In Love

With you.



The trees are bare.

My heart is full.

I watch you

As you sit


I come to you;

I stroke your hair.

I kiss your forehead.

I acknowledge

My Love for you.

You hold me

In your arms.

We sit


I am so in Love

With you.



Green covers the land.

My heart dances.

Our Love feels young,

Playful and


Our kisses

Filled with passion.

Lying on the grass,


Our bodies

Wrap around as one.

Holding each other tight,

Letting go…

Our eyes look up

Toward the heavens.

We are thankful,

Full of praise

As our Love

Becomes us.

Our hands touch.

Our fingers link.

I lean closer to you.

The sound of your breathing

Soothes me.

I caress your body,

My Love overflowing.

I am at Peace.




A warm breeze

Caresses your cheek

As it moves along its path

Towards oceans and

Foreign lands…

I hear the leaves rustling.

A song.

So soft

Is your face…

So gentle

Is your touch…

I melt

Into the warmth and

The steady beating of your heart.

These are the sounds of Love,

Of loving you.

On this warm summer evening

My life is complete.


Where Last Your Spirit Lay

Where last your spirit lay

There I walked

And listened

And sensed

I saw you again

Peeking out from behind

Scooting here and there

Playing a game with me

I laughed

You could always make me laugh…

I miss you



Gently caressingly

I can feel

Your tender touch


Where last your spirit lay

I’ll take you with me now

To rest

In my heart


You are mine

I am yours





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